she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
