You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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