u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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