i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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