I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
