I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
