I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize