Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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