This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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