Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
