When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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