3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
