Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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