I just made out with a guy for $7.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
