1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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