Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she peed on how many people?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
