your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
