you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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