Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Less talking, more tequila
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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