Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
