Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
