Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
