Umm I'm too high to move.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
