Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
