Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
