lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
