Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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