FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
