He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
