I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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