you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize