recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
