You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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