Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
