Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
