He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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