i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
