I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
