why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
