Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think your dad took our porno
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize