he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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