Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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