dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize