Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
