Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
