just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
