Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
