Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
