You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
