she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
