super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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