Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
