Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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