I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
