we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
