her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
