so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
