he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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