Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
