If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
