his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
