Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
