So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
