I could have mohawked her pubes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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