Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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