Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
