that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
