he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
50% drunk capacity currently
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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