The maid of honor just puked.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this beer tastes like vomit already
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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