it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize